This section is quite "tongue in cheek" but nevertheless absolutely true and has been inspired by a conversation I had today.
This is not a reflection on all coachbuilders, not all are moronic bigots, indeed some have been extremely helpful to me over the years and a fund of knowledge. In particular I would thank both Paul Jones from Racemaster for his invaluable help and advice and also thanks to David Rees at Marlborough.
What follows are true conversations I have had with unidentified fringe builders although I have to say some are prolific sellers.
1.
Me:
"I'm phoning about the new build horsebox you have advertised on......It looks to be a very good price, I am a trade buyer and would like to come and see it.
CB:
Well the one in the advert is not the one I have for sale.
Me:
O.K. What do you have for sale?"
There follows a lengthy description.
Me:
But its on a LWB like the one in the photo ?
CB:
No its a MWB but its the price of the one in the advert.
Me:
O.K. so how much was the LWB in the advert you've put.....
CB:
Oh no that one was £2,000 more.........
2.
Me:
Hello, I'm phoning about your horseboxes, I do like them but there doesn't appear to be a breast bar or partition?
CB:
No, with horses jumping over we think its unsafe to have any breast partition.
Me:
But what if you have to do an emergency stop the horse could break its neck
CB:
Never heard of that...
3.
Me:
I don't think this box would suit my customer, she has large horses and the wheel arches protrude so far into the horse area the horses couldn't stand square.
CB:
It teaches them how to balance.....
Me:
Also I think my customer would like a bite board to stop them sniffing, biting, squealing and kicking back.
CB:
You just rack them up tight so they can't move their heads.....
I actually receive more complaints about this firm than any other
4.
Me: Hello I am phoning about a part exchange you have in on a 2000 chassis
CB: Yes what do you want to know?
Me:
Which engine it has
Silence
Me:
Well it can only be a 2.5 or a 2.8 turbo on that year of chassis
CB:
I dunno
Me:
Well can you tell me if the cam belt has been done recently?
CB:
I dunno, shouldn't think so
Me:
But it has eighty something thousand miles on it.
CB:
You don't need to do them until ninety thousand.
Me:
No thats not right its a MK11 that is the guide for a MK111 even so good practice is to change at 70,000 for a MK111 a MK11 should be done at 60,000. But leaving that aside its age as well, they do deteriorate with time, pulleys get worn and fatigued (at this point I am feeling a trifle fatigued) five years is really the time line and you're telling me that this vehicle is alright although it hasn't had a cam belt change for thirteen years?
CB:
Look I build horseboxes I have eighteen of my own here for sale.......
In other words "Don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs" Actually in this case I do think "granny" needs a lesson.......